It’s all about you, baby.

I’ve had my fair share of incidents with what I can only categorize as Mean Girls.

Not always the prettiest, the wealthiest, the best dressed, the most adored on Twitter or Facebook or any other social mediums that gauge popularity these days, but just generally awful, mean, girls who take pride and pleasure in making other people feel bad about themselves for no reason at all.

And who one day are going to get bitten by karma sooo badly I can barely wait.

Like, for example, the woman dispatcher who made me sob uncontrollably when she all but accused me of lying about a van following me home one night after the Textuality movie premiere.

Jesica Kim [I didn’t even spell your name wrong, bitch], the incredibly incompetent Customer Service Support Representative [4-word titles do not make you intelligent Jesica, just FYI] at Future Shop.

A friend of a friend who literally cannot stop the trash talk from coming out of her mouth, her Facebook comments and her tweets.

The girl at the laundry mat who asked me if I was “pink crush” as if that meant I had herpes all over my eyeballs and my guts were hanging out.

My lovely downstairs neighbour who left me a nasty note, gives anyone who comes over dirty looks and who recently flashed me in her bra and panties when she opened her apartment door as I was walking up the stairs.

A so-called girl friend who stole things from me, said horrible things about my behind my back, and has such atrocious grammar that that fact alone should have been enough to cut our friendship ties long ago.

The girl who’s name escapes me right now otherwise I’d write it, who came up to me on my 19th birthday at a BX93 (Country Radio Station) Dance and told me I looked horrible and that she slept with my boyfriend 6 months ago.

But oh the list goes on…

Because of my experiences with humanity’s coldest creatures - next to child molesters and puppy killers, of course - I have a general disdain for the female species. It’s nothing personal but I’m usually pretty hit or miss when it comes to meeting new girls. I either hate them and think they’re out to get my boyfriend or love them so much I briefly debate lesbianism before returning to safely to sanity.

Sometimes it really is so hard to be female. We can’t even pee outside without things getting complicated.

It’s funny because after all the years of being on the lookout for the stereotypical mean girl, I ended up befriending quite a few in disguise. I remember not too long ago I gave a friend of mine a hard time for having an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. She’d say things to piss people off and didn’t care what people said about her behind her back and, after dealing with some incredibly dramatic people over the past week of my life, I have complete understanding of why pretending to not care about anything is sometimes 1000x better than caring about anything at all.

Although to be honest, I don’t really feel that way most of the time. I only really feel that way when the fight in me is ready to give up.

Knowing and existing within circles of these truly, fantastically mean girls, has helped me to become a more well-rounded human person. It has made me emotional and occasionally over-sensitive but it has taught me to love more loudly and to hang on to the people who tell you your hair looks better down and actually mean it.

It has taught me to speak up for myself, to not stand for cattiness and to stop spending time on people who don’t spend time on me.

It has taught me that all press is good press in matters of friendship and that if people hate you without knowing you, it probably means there’s something about you they wish they could be.

To all the mean girls in the world, I’ll leave you with some truly inspirational Christina Aguilera lyrics to keep your cold, cold souls warm at night,

“‘Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter”

Until next time, my ponies.
xxoo pink♥crush