Just some remembrance

I remember my first summer in Toronto – living with the roomie, not really knowing anyone except a couple of guys I went to high school with who had also moved to Toronto. I was working as a temp and moonlighting as a Barrista at Starbucks, trying to make rent and pay off my student loan both at the same time. Everything was new – restaurants, landmarks – and everything was so exciting.

I feel like things were a lot simpler then. I had a flip phone. I was dating guys I didn’t care about just because I could. My weekends consisted of drinking, being hung over, drinking, and being hung over. I felt lonely but in a good way; not like I was missing out on anything. Like I could do anything I wanted.

I began writing freelance articles for a couple magazines; I made girlfriends in the most unconventional (and probably the least wise) ways possible, I began knowing which direction to walk when I came up from the subway stations all by myself.

I felt like I had my groove down pat. I felt good. And all of this was before I started wearing hair extensions every day!

A lot [and I do mean a freaking lotttt] has changed in the 5 years I’ve been here. Boyfriends and friends have come and go, as have jobs, favourite alcoholic beverages, and even some of my beliefs. If someone had asked me when I graduated high school where I thought I’d be in 7 years, I never imagined this.

I never imagined I would have gotten to meet Smith from Sex & the City or have seen John Mayer in concert 3 times. I never imagined I would fall in love so deeply with anyone, let alone a boy and 2 beautiful kittens. I never imagined I would let people’s words hurt me so deeply.

But that’s the thing about mistakes, you never realize what they are until it’s too late. I often think people are blinded by their desire to see the good in people – the good in what used to be, the good they wish was there.

I’ll never know how to stop doing this, myself. I guess I don’t really want to become that jaded. As many times as I’ve had that come back and bite me in the ass.

I can’t believe how fast time is flying by. I attended my cousin’s wedding last month – the first wedding of my family – and next month, I’m going to the wedding of one of my roommates from university. After 3 years, I’m talking to my dad again. In less than a year I’ve impulsively booked trips to New York City, California, Mexico, and most recently, Chicago. I’ve rekindled some friendships with people I thought I’d lost forever. I’m meeting new people and making big life decisions and buying my own Michael Kors bags because somehow, I can finally afford it.

I think it’s important to remember the past and the path you took to get there. I think it’s important to remember all those crazy Facebook messages you sent to boys you thought were cute in university and girls who you thought were threatening your relationships. I think it’s important to remember the good in people – even people who aren’t good people in the grand scheme of things – because I think it hurts more to only think of the bad. Even in the hard times and especially when things aren’t going well for you, I think it’s important to truly be happy for people you care about and who care about you.  I think it’s important to be honest with yourself because, at the end of the day, you’re the only one who has to live with what you see in the mirror.

I remember my first summer in Toronto like it was yesterday, not because of how fantastic it was (it wasn’t that fantastic; I was dirt poor), but because of how it was my first real step in becoming who I am today.

I think I’ve earned the right to be proud of that.  

xxoo