May 2012
3 posts
It's a fact-of-life type thing
If you have a vagina, you’re probably no stranger to random men approaching you on the street or cat-calling you from behind the protection of their reflective construction vests. It’s non-discriminating, it’s often blatant, and 189 times out of 190, it’s someone you are in no way attracted to who is screaming, “nice ass and titties” at you from the window of their 2005 Dodge Caravan.
Let me...
Dear Grandma and Grandpa [you know who you are]
Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
When I was little, I thought the world of you. You snuck me spoonfuls of peanut butter and gave me coffee when my parents weren’t around. I looked forward to sleepovers at your house, even though you didn’t have cable [this was pre-internet] because I actually liked spending time with you. I liked how I felt when I came to your house, sitting at the kitchen table,...
In the spirit of feeling like I’m in some kind of strange relationship with the Dufferin Mall [which apparently Facebook does not consider a valid relationship option], I decided to enter their outfit styling contest. And yes, as a matter of fact, I took 2 of those photos in the bathroom at work. The lighting is just better in bathrooms.
So in light of losing the Splenda contest where I...
April 2012
4 posts
It's called integrity, babe.
It fascinates me how quickly and easily people sell each other out; how easy it is to open your mouth and tell everyone who will listen the things you’re not supposed to tell anyone.
Unfortunately, I’m no exception. I’ve had some moments I’m less than proud of but I’m the first one to admit when I’ve made a mistake. But I’m also quick to notice when someone else has too.
I’ve mentioned...
Mexicated
Last night, I got home from Mexico. Even while sitting on the plane to come back, watching the boyfriend play Settlers of Catan on his iPhone and looking around at people changing from sandals to socks and shoes [something that obviously didn’t occur to me to pack], I was still so excited, still reeling from being immersed in 34 degree weather, bottomless strawberry daiquiris and shots of...
The dance we do.
I guess I’ll just dive right into it, then.
This past weekend, although absolutely meaningless to me in any kind of biblical sense, marked a milestone in my life. It was another one of those moments when I put aside my feelings, my hurt, even my beliefs kind of, and decided to, once again, take the high road and be the grown up that the situation so desperately called for.
I visited my father....
HOLY SHIT, I MADE IT TO PART 3?
My past with fashion has been somewhat sordid. When I was 13, I wore the same pair of burgundy and hunter plaid pants all the way to, from, and during my family trip to Alberta [we drove]. I was the little girl who had the Cat Street Boys and Mice Girls sweaters from Northern Getaway. I wore baby blue wind pants a couple times a week for most of my grade 11 year,...
March 2012
3 posts
And now?
You never really adjust to being an only child. Sure, I’ve gotten used to it – after 26 years, you sort of adjust to that kind of thing – but it isn’t always fun and it isn’t always easy being the lone wolf in your family, as big as the extended part of it may be. It isn’t all Barbie Dream Houses, 101 Dalmatian birthday cakes, and not having to share your bunk bed with another human being except...
Love me too?
Well, that was an interesting week.
People who have known me for a while know that my immune system is less than stellar. But that wasn’t always the case. In high school I was one of those kids who was “always sick” because I hated high school so much I always wanted something to be wrong with me more than it actually was. In university, “unwell” meant that I was hungover or didn’t want to...
Murphy's Law.
My life has a very strange Murphy’s Law-ness to it. You know, anything that can go wrong, will. Call it Karma or the Power of Positive Thinking [wow, I sound like my mother] but things usually have a way of turning right side up again. I just have the odd day here and there where I have random bursts of crying fits. Like when Arms of an Angel comes on my iPod.
Or when I’m typing...
February 2012
4 posts
I don’t know what it is about people that makes them act so awful to each other all the time. I don’t know what makes random people comment on my blog to tell me that I was a bitch in high school and no one liked me or what makes random girls drive up behind me and call me a whore from their car windows. And yet, both have happened. The second happened as recently as yesterday while...
Lucky Ducks.
I’m convinced I have the worst luck in the world. And if not the world, then definitely out of anyone I know; except maybe M who keeps getting followed around by random acts of bed bugs, despite being insanely cautious about it.
In a sense, I’m lucky to have experienced a lot of the wackness. It’s given me thicker skin, a better sense of what’s important [and in the same breath, what isn’t...
It's not what you said.
Let me take a minute to talk about tone. As in, the manner in which you convey something to someone; be it via text message, face-to-face, phone call, whatever.
I think it’s safe to say you’ve heard the phrase “it’s not what you say, but how you say it” being used in situations where there has been some kind of colossal miscommunication that’s upset everyone involved. And lately I’ve wanted to rip...
January 2012
5 posts
Tell me lies, tell me sweet, little lies.
We are creatures of lies.
For whatever reason, more times than not, admitting the truth is far harder than concocting a lie and taking all necessary steps to keep it up. I’ve known my fair share of liars. I’ve lied a great deal, myself. To be honest, at any given time, resume/LinkedIn profile is approximately 38% lies. I can tell you the last time I told a decently significant lie, felt guilty...
I’ve never done a “What I’m Wearing” post before.. probably because before Instagram, I didn’t realize it was so hip to be vain. But since it is, I have absolutely no problem hopping on that bandwagon. Especially since I’d consider my sense of style to be “hopping on the whatever everyone else is wearing” bandwagon.
I absolutely do not claim...
4 tags
I do what I want.
Can you believe I FINALLY booked my trip to California? Because I effing can’t!
I feel like I’ve done a lot of growing up in recent weeks/months and in honour of my 26th birthday [4 days and counting, friends], I decided the best birthday present I could ever give myself was to force myself to get a little uncomfortable and fly across the continent to see my HSB (high school bestie).
...
5 tags
Don't say it if you don't mean it.
Dear 2011,
Would you look at that; I survived you.
It’s funny how many people seem so happy you’re gone; how many people seem so eager to get on with 2012; how many people say you were the worst, as if they hadn’t said the exact same thing about 2010, 2009, 2008…
But negativity is the nature of people, it seems. It’s far easier to find something to be upset about than it is to be completely...
December 2011
1 post
Just wanted to send out a big...
If you weren’t such an ugly human being, I would feel sorry for you.
November 2011
2 posts
Let's move on, shall we?
Letting go is never easy. And change is sometimes just plain shitty (take the new Facebook timeline, for example. I haaaaate it).
I’ve only ever had to deal with the loss of one person I was incredibly close with and I’ve never been in a relationship with someone I wasn’t incredibly happy to never speak to again when things ended.
Friendships are a funny and very different exception to the rule of...
Love hurts.
I’m not big on abuse.
And yet, somehow it seems to linger in my life like this ridiculously annoying cough I’ve had for the past month and half. It doesn’t stay long and it doesn’t show up thaaat often but when it does, it’s usually shrouded with sketchiness.
As most instances of abuse are.
Case #1: According to my father, I’m a candyass.
Not all instances of abuse are physical. My father did...
Once upon a Thursday night in October.
I tend to write about the past more than I write about the present. It might have something to do with the fact that no one wants to hear how I made dinner, played with my kittens and danced around in my underwear to Glee songs at full blast a couple nights ago. Or it might have to do with the fact that having been in a serious relationship for 2.5 years means that I don’t go on dates with...
October 2011
2 posts
Like my mother does.
All things considered, I think I turned out pretty well as a young(ish) adult. I never really swore around my parents until well after I moved out of the house and only used the word “fuck” in my mother’s presence twice that I can recall and only ever because I forgot to do something or injured myself. Sure, I lead a very privileged life - being an only child does have some perks after all...
September 2011
2 posts
Dancing on my own.
I always thought it was better to have friends who were only just okay than to not have friends at all or at least, too few friends to have a decent-sized party. I used to think (and on bad days, sometimes still do think) that if my phone isn’t making non-stop sparkle and cricket noises (my SMS/BBM tones), it means that no one cares about me. I used to believe that if you don’t have...
August 2011
4 posts
Ugly Duckling.
I don’t like chocolate. I especially don’t like chocolate that’s been tainted with a questionable apology.
Let me explain. Last Thursday night was my first-ever official work “party” at some strange-ass Sausage Bar on King Street [I don’t mean sausages as in “there were a ton of penises there” although I’m sure there were just as many as there were vaginas] and it was probably only the second time...
Turns out, I'm not the bigger person.
I’ve said it before but, for a lot of my adult life I’ve been the bigger person. I’ve held my tongue. I’ve refrained from sending the nasty letter to my grandparents that I’ve had flawlessly written in my head for the last 5 years. I’ve kept my mouth shut about affairs, about little white lies that don’t really matter and, although I have no problem speaking my mind when the pit in my...
I hate to break it to you babe, but I'm not...
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m never not going to be the girl that people come to for reassurance. Need to feel that you’re pretty, skinny, worth-while, better than someone, or that being a whore is totally acceptable for the following reasons? Yep, I’m your girl. And if that’s not good enough, I’m also the girl that will apologize to you for your misunderstandings and defend you, even...
July 2011
3 posts
It's the truth before the lies.
Yesterday was one of those days that felt like they didn’t really happen because nothing particularly memorable happened to make me remember it. Plus, it was a Tuesday, and considering its proximity to the beginning of the week, I have absolutely no respect for it whatsoever.
I got up at 7:08am, pressed Snooze until 7:17am, pressed Snooze until 7:26am and then finally rolled out of bed with...
We all have stories we'll never tell.
Every Wednesday in my second year of university, K and I, like whiskey sours and gin and tonics were our religion, would blow off 8pm Computer Design Something-or-other class and drink ourselves silly. I never really knew if she felt obligated to compete with my inebriation, if she was actually just a secret hot mess or if she was just being a really, really good friend. Either way, the only thing...
Big lights will inspire you
It’s been a week since I got back from New York City and I’m still in withdrawal. I don’t know how people do it; come home and pretend like their lives are the same as when they left.
I [re]fell in love in New York. I was happy in New York. I wasn’t so uptight in New York.
And if you know me, you know how hard it is not to be uptight.
I know I shouldn’t complain. I have a great apartment, a...
June 2011
3 posts
That far in disbelief you almost see clearly.
For the first time in.. I think ever, I left my makeup bag, full of makeup, at work. I am not one of those girls who hoard tons of old makeup at home [I’ve heard that wearing old makeup can actually kill you or make your eyelashes fall out or something], nor am I the type of girl who spends excesses of money on making sure she has an emergency stash of makeup at home.
I am, however, the type of...
It will get better. It always gets better.
I was in Stratford a couple weeks ago, visiting my mama, my puppy and ignoring an entire town of people who shunned me once I left for university, when I came across [probably because I was digging around in the back room of our basement for it] a box of a bunch of stuff from my elementary years.
I found old Valentine Cards, letters written from my teachers to my mother telling her what an unruly...
Oy vey.
In between being diagnosed with a sinus infection [by my dentist, of all people], going to the Adele concert, having my friends hate my guts, words and God knows what else, watching an entire 3 seasons of Gilmore Girls in a little over 2 weeks, getting 35+ mosquito and [what I can only assume must be] black fly bites while attending my first cottage weekend of the year, trying yoga, hating yoga,...
May 2011
1 post
It's all about you, baby.
I’ve had my fair share of incidents with what I can only categorize as Mean Girls.
Not always the prettiest, the wealthiest, the best dressed, the most adored on Twitter or Facebook or any other social mediums that gauge popularity these days, but just generally awful, mean, girls who take pride and pleasure in making other people feel bad about themselves for no reason at all.
And who...
April 2011
2 posts
Song lyrics and life lessons.
I’ve always been a black & white kind of girl and not in the Michael Jackson kind of way. I like things to be one way or the other, never in between. I like my hair really, really long or short, plans to be decided or non-existent, friends to be there unconditionally or to be un-friended on Facebook. And I’ve never been any flavour of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants. Partially because...
Sweet little lies.
I am absolutely sick of people’s attitudes. Attitudes towards race, sexual orientation, religious affiliation (or not), who one chooses to befriend, who one chooses to date even after one cheats on the other, what one chooses to post on Twitter, etc. etc. etc.
And, you know, people’s attitudes in general.
I grew up with small-town morals and the belief that not everyone was out to get me...
March 2011
2 posts
In pursuit of happiness... & clarity.
Somewhere in my almost 2-year relationship with Mr.NB [Who knew I had it in me to withstand an almost 2-year relationship? Not me, that’s for damn sure], my life happened. Changed. I’m a big subscriber to the “don’t fix what isn’t broken” school of thought so by the time I woke up and realized that I wasn’t the overly skinny, little, attention-desperate blonde girl anymore, I didn’t...
Come closer, sweet maybe.
I didn’t expect to really like Las Vegas, to be honest. I was excited about the trip, about being off work and I was a mixture of excitement and horror about going on an airplane for the first time. The entire premise of Las Vegas never made me warm and fuzzy. Even thinking about it made me feel kind of cheap and dirty. Like the sluts that were plastered on trading cards, magazines and trucks all...
February 2011
2 posts
Happy Belated Valentine's Day
I have absolutely no Valentine’s Day tradition or pattern, whatsoever. Some years I’m in a relationship (never with the same person 2 consecutive years, until now) and others I’m not.
Some years I get taken out to a romantic McDonald’s dinner where I’m forced to unexpectedly go in to the restaurant [to get take-out] wearing the tight, white, camel toe track pants so...
3 tags
When I was 7, my grandfather (the one who paid me $50 the last time I saw him, which I’ve now decided was a bribe to keep me away from any future family functions) chose me as his favourite. He and my grandma would invite me over on Saturdays, make me potato pancakes and feed me coffee and spoonfuls of peanut butter behind my mom’s back.
...
January 2011
3 posts
2 tags
Such a beautiful lie to believe in.
I’ve never thought of myself as a very vengeful person. Vengeful, sure; but very vengeful? Nahhh.
I mean, yes, if you’re a phone operator at a courier company and you’re a complete asshole to me, I’m going to attempt to get you fired. And yes, if you send me over-the-top, ridiculous Facebook messages about my boyfriend’s sexual fetishes (no, not my current...
Paper Bag Princess
Sometimes, I have the absolute worst timing. Almost 2 years ago I decided to give up men boys relationships for a few months, to just ‘be’ on my own… and then I accidentally met the boy of my dreams. 3 summers ago, I was offered a 2 week contract job in Las Vegas and a few days before I was supposed to leave, I fractured my foot.
The other day, I walked out of a Tim Horton’s and saw the most...
Raw Sexuality & New Years Resolutions
Every New Year, without fail, I convince myself that this will be the year I stop gnawing on my finger nails long enough for the Asian manicurists to not laugh at me when I get my nails done. And every year, without fail, I end up having acrylic nails for my birthday because apparently the first 7 days of the year are the most stressful and bad habit-inducing. Somehow, this year I’ve managed an...
December 2010
2 posts
Under the Skin of… Pink Crush (or How I learned to...
An excerpt from…
_____________________________________________________________________
I learned from a very early age that in order to get my father’s attention I had to be theatrical. To get him to interact with me on anything more than an obligatory level, I had to run away from home or get suspended from school. My insatiable desire to capture my father’s attention mystified me,...
There are far better things ahead than anything we...
Once upon a time, I walked with my toes facing inward. I am currently obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy. I can’t eat food with the same fork I cooked it with. I really want to crash my father’s side of the family’s Christmas dinner this year and out all of their dirty secrets. I have been thinking a lot about going back to school. I haaaate physical exercise with a passion. I sometimes worry when I...
November 2010
2 posts
It's harder than I thought.
Every day I wake up and thank frig I don’t have a penis. Although having a vagina for 24 years and having to deal with a you-know-what for about 10 of them, I’d say we’re juuuust about equal.
I understand the biological purpose of having something hanging between your legs and trust me, I appreciate the organ itself, but as long as we’re being candid here [and, let’s...
10 Things I Hate About You
It’s true; I’ve made friends in some pretty unconventional ways. I think it makes things more interesting when people ask how you know each other and you have a story that involves chance meetings, internet stalking, severe hatred and/or rumours about fraud.
Because oddly, you’d be surprised how many times people ask me how I met my friends. Possibly because of the stories that precede...